a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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