On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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