So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Of course I have a pirate flag
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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