she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
