dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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