I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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