I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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