Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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