His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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