is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
