it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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