he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
