i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
