I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
