The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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