i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
