all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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