I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
