He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
