I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
