Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
