Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
