My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
