I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
