just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
