Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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