Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
