Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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