ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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