She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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