they need to just BURY HIM!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
