if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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