I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
