I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
