yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
