Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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