Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
