Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
