just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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