You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
