So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
