then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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