guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
