Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
