I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
