I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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