I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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