took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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