can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize