YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
