I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
