I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
