Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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