So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
