i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My bed smells like the plague
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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