Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
