um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
