I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
