i jhust puked up my retainher.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
