Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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