bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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