you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
