i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
