their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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