youre lurking in front of me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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