After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found your dick twin last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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