Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
smell my finger.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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