I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
