I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
