Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
