wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
