i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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