how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
