I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
