i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
