It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
