Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am puke
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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